Dear Alex,
This is Future Alex. That's right, I'm you but from the future one year from now. I have time traveled back to warn you of the terrible, dystopian world that I came from. But you are the key to prevent this bleak future from happening. How? It's too complex for your mind to understands so don't ask me any details.
There are a few key things you must accomplish in 2016 before your next birthday. If you are able to keep to task and complete them, the world in your future will not fall to ruins like mine. What? This sounds cliche?
Okay, that's it. No more nice guy. Just shut the fuck up and complete these fucking birthday resolutions. Fuck, I forgot how annoying I was at 26.
- In my grim future, all books are banned and are burned if found. What? This is a totally original idea. Anyways, if you read some damn more books, you can prevent this from happening. Remember when you use to read regularly and didn't melt your brains on those stupid Japanese cartoons all the time? For Christ sake, just read 6 books next year. That's 1 book every 2 months you lazy ass.
- In my horrifying future, children are taken away from their parents to participate in an annual televised death match. No, this does not sound familiar. Anyways, you can prevent this future from unfolding if you just fucking call home every week. No, it doesn't count if mom calls you. And I don't care if she nags for 30 minutes, just shut up and listen. Okay, fine, you can roll your eyes while she talks but roll your eyes silently. While you're at it, call dad and have the usual 10 second conversations with him too.
- In my nightmarish future, only one person is chosen to hold all memories and everyone else is the same and have no emotions. No, I did not steal this from somewhere. Anyways, what you need to do is write down and record more of your thoughts and feelings. No, writing a stupid post on your stupid blog every once in a while does not count. You will journal every week Sunday 9PM. That's the time I have given you to sit down and record & process your overly active mind. Stick to it.
Do these sound familiar? That's because most of them are your failed birthday resolutions from last year, idiot. This time, I'm holding you more accountable by having it in writing. Don't make me time travel back here again.
Are you currently doing anything right? Hmm, I guess you have been doing some traveling. Don't be so smug, that's the only thing you are currently doing correctly with your life.
Finally, do you have any questions about the future before I leave? Yes, you do get wiser, funnier, and more attractive with age. That's true in any future.
Now get to it!
Future 27 Year Old Alex
